from by Dougas

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it was cold as it could be
as i fought the urge to stay in bed
trapped in my dreams of the beach
my nails clawed deep into the post,
i couldn't dig them out of there
i started to bleed from the mouth
because i hadn't flossed my teeth in a while
i bled as i left my house
and took the train out of town

i rode with a heavy backpack on my chest
a fist around the steel handhold
fixated on a buzzing noise, it must’ve come from the train
but by now it had become part of my life

the chattering passengers
like feet tiring in the mud
every time longer
and each time deeper
rose and sunk into mechanical hums
the feeling quietly sunk into my bones
i couldn't help but think it was something sinister
i couldn't hear anything else at all

i want to shut down when i feel like it
i want to wake up when i feel like it
i want to turn off every single alarm
lie in bed and feel the sun on my arms

bedsores from sitting still
eyes sore from poisoned skies
i showed up at her door late, but she reminded me
of something that she told me once
a cruel joke played upon itself
something like til death do us apart

i watched her tongue
she talked aloud
it seemed that she was
just making sounds

when she held me my skin sagged
i began to slip from that empty bag


from BOY MANDALA, released January 18, 2016



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Dougas Brooklyn, New York

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